Secret

Constantly afraid, I live in solitude. So terrified someone will find my secret. I run, constantly ducking and dodging. But, I think they have found out. They want me for what I carry. This newborn yet to be released into the world.

I find a moment of peace as I duck into a crevice along this building. I can catch my breath. I breath in deeply, fighting against the pain of each kick my brain makes. Urging for release, I want to give them what they seek.

I don’t know how much more I can take. My body tells me this is it. The time is now. But my conscience keeps me corrected. This secret…they can’t have. They will abuse it. They will bend it and twist it. Making something great and life giving into just another weapon at their disposal.

I relax a bit, exhaling the pent up rage that now flows through my veins. Releasing those moments of weakness. The thoughts that nearly lead me to my own ending. They are gone now, I can advance. Hell I’m nearly home, to my sanctuary.

Hell, funny how I bring that up. I fight to keep that possible ending away, yet I use it now in reference to my situation. Shaking off that thought, I find myself back in the street. Looking left and right, I see nobody. It is clear.

I venture forth. Running now, I close in fast upon my target. Swinging the door wide, I find my sanctuary. I’m home. I can now hide my secret much easier as I slide into my favorite lounging chair. Shaking off the nights evils, I relax for the first time in hours.

“Are you ok?” enters into my thoughts as I am nearly asleep. What am I doing? I need to protect myself. Could this be another attacker? I’m not sure as my mind awakens.

“Who goes there? Do you seek my knowledge?” I ask.

“It is your mom.”

I should have known, but my mind was fuzzy. I let myself slip. I fully awaken and know exactly what to do. This secret, it is much more important than I am. So I run. I don’t bother to respond or even greet my mom, I just leave.

Straight out of the door I came from. I enter a new and unexpected situation. The sun is shining brightly against me. Forcing me to squint and try to cover myself.

Not sure how much longer I can deal with my torment. I run straight for the river that is nearly two blocks from my house. It was night when I entered my house but now it is day, I slept for too long.

I near the river, I throw all caution to the wind. I prepare for my end. This secret I will die for. As I come to the banks of this river, the “Skunk River”, it is so fitting. I have hidden it, as long as I can. But today, this beautiful morning, it is over.

I will not give anybody my secret to life, I will not give them this secret to happiness. The thing that everyone seeks. I will bury it deeply into the banks of the Skunk, where it will be held tightly by her putrid smell.

As I say a small prayer to my God, I enter into its churning waters. I ask for forgiveness. The last thing I do. I jump in, fully submerging myself. I meet with the sandy river bed, I dig in deeper. As my lungs protest I give up this struggle and succumb, protecting this secret I keep.