Struggle

Alone again. The moment I cherish. For this single second I can be me. Ecstasy, I breathe in the comfort I find. Joy flows through my veins as I relish every miniscule moment. It washes over me, cleansing my tainted soul. Alone I find me.

I sit and contemplate me, but another few minutes and I may be dead. I drink to forget, but every sip brings me closer to thoughts and memories I run from. Everyone runs like me, I dare to think, as I shove another drink down my throat. Moments left. Where is that pizza I ordered at? Struggling too remember this time. I drift away, lost to all but my mind...

As I delve deeper into my mind, I discover the scariest parts of me I never knew I had. I reach deeper and deeper, hoping I will find a reason to keep going on with the journey. But alas I am hit with wave after wave of unhappiness. One more attempt...there! Some light at the end of my travels. Redemption is mine! I find the journeys end as I close my mind around the one true light left to me. I can rest easily now. I have found me. Alone in the dark, I am for now at peace.

Alone we, or I, must face these demons. Conflicted is my soul as I struggle through these hard times. I confront them head on, but I always fail. Alone I am weak. I am but a small part in the wheel that is life. I struggle on, constantly trying to better myself. But yet at every turn, more heartache emerges. I will find it. I cannot and will not give in to the hardships that have surrounded me.

I torment myself constantly. Reality has merged with fiction. Things a person never really expects to happen are forcing me to open my eyes. As I blink several times, I witness my own undoing. Stuck in this place, I realize all of my faults. They come rushing onto me, unheeded. Unleashed upon my weakened and tarnished soul.

I pass out with the fury of these dark thoughts overwhelming me. And, for just moments I find peace again. It lasts for mere seconds before it is interrupted as my subconscious slaps me in the face, bringing this depression into my dreams. I toss and turn as I’m hit with wave after wave of excruciating pain. Hoping and praying for an escape, I am imprisoned by my own mind.

Struggling, I awake. My room is a mess. Beer cans litter the floor, empty or not I do not know. Lost to myself, I attempt to stand up, but my weakness overcomes me. The darkness closes in and nearly swallows me before I fight back. Placing my will against these demons that still haunt me, I make it to the doorway.

Stumbling down the stairs and nearly falling, I find myself in the living room of my house. Darkness still encloses around me, but I don’t give in. I punch back. I reach the door and I swing it wide. My eyes close as the sunlight torments them, but still I push forward. I emerge into the open air.

I breathe in the smells, eyes still clenched tight. Remembering again what it is to live. Forgotten are the wicked thoughts, the lost memories that always boil to the surface. I REMEMBER! This is why I live. As the birds chirp and the days heat begins to creep up the temp, I find myself landed back into reality.

Opening my eyes, I wipe away the tears that form from the corners. I don’t give in. I relinquish nothing, and I am rewarded with a beautiful blue sky. Gone are those moments, those transgressions I care little to remember. Now it is me. It is my time, and I take back my life.